So, awhile ago I was at the doctors office. About to step on the scale, which as most of you know is super scary. I held my breathe and looked down at the little numbers. 128. OMG. I haven't been 128 in a ridiculously long time.
Anyway though, I'm still continuing to eat only small amount and I've been walking to and from school every day, so thats 40 minutes of excersize. I think I'm going to start doing crunches again though. I hate my stomach, but my boyfriend seems to loooove poking it and everytime he does I'm disgusted with myself. Its huge and nasty. Now, my boyfriend is super strong and can pick me up (and does all the time, much to my horror), but there is a limit to how much he can pick up and I feel like I'm about to pass that limit. I hate it when we stand next to each other because I always feel like if he could see me in comparasion to him, he'd leave me. I feel like if I can loose some more weight, he'll decide to stay with me. IDK. Maybe I'm stupid, but this is High School...Boys don't often look past looks. I think about all my bf's ex girlfriends and how they're all so much smaller than I am. Ugh. Maybe I should just date a fat guy. Blarg.
Sometimes, when I eat, I feel this tug deep inside my throat and its like my body wants me to throw everything I ate back up. I've resisted so far, but I can't stop thinking about how much better I would feel if I did throw everything up. I've heard horror stories about what it can do to someone. Acid eats away at their throats and ruins their vocal chords, but I want so bad to feel empty, achingly empty...Maybe I'll give in. I'll keep you posted. Ha. Like there is any one here who is even reading this, let alone someone who cares.

(no subject)
You have no idea how good it is to be back. Back on the PrettyThin website, back to blogging, back to being best friends with Ana...Or at least trying to be. Theres something completely freeing about being here on a website where no one knows you. I don't have to put on a happy face if I'm not happy, and I don't have to hide any part of me. Here it all is:
Height: 5' 2"
Weight: 135.
My history?
Fifth grade is when everything sort of fell apart. Mom and dad were fighting, and I quit swim team. I gained weight, mostly in my thighs. My thighs have always been cringe worthy. Always. They're huge. But mostly it was seventh grade when I got on birth control. No, I'm not sexually active, im only 14. But I am a swimmer (or at least I was) and so I thought, hey, no periods? Great! Untill I realized what birth control really does. It tricks your body into thinking you're pregnant. That means you start gaining. Now, my thighs don't matter so much anymore. Its my stomach that is huge. When ever I lean over even the slightest bit, I can feel my fat rolls forming. It's disgusting. It used to be that my stomach wasn't even on my radar. I sucked in and it pretty much disappeared. It was the only part of me that was skinny. Now, its just another fat part. Obviously, if you've read the post before this one, you'll know I wanted to be 100 before ninth grade started. Ninth grade started two weeks ago and I'm still 135. But I've been eating little things. I'll keep you updated on that not that you really care lol!
Kisses and Hugs
One day I'll be good enough

1090, I've finally had it
Nature Valley Oats and Honey Granola Bar= Calories 190, Fat Calories 60
Pizza hut Personal Pan Pizza= Calories 590, Fat Calories 210
Taco Bell Beef Taco= Calories 210, Fat Calories 80
Bottle of water
Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Granola Bar= Calories, Fat Calories

If my parents knew that I was doing this, they'd be shocked. They don't really believe in diets. I've never been obese. Oh God no, never. And I hang out with lots of people fatter than me. It's just that sometimes when I look at my skinny friends I want to be like them so bad it hurts. To me, 100 pounds is beautiful. If I were 100 pounds I'd be so happy. But it's hard when I go home and I'm encouraged to eat. Things call out to me. My parents aren't exactly health conscious so they buy things like Cheetos and Chips all the time. Every time I've tried to diet before, the food in my home breaks me. However, this time I've decided to get some support. I joined this website called PrettyThin and I think this time I'm really going to be able to lose some weight. Right now I'm 127. By the time ninth grade rolls around, I want to be 100, maybe even a little less. All I need to do is eat less calories than my body needs and I'm golden. This will be a piece of cake. 


Log in